How to Change a Life: The Story of a Friendship

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In Which @jackinessity Reads an Essay

How to even begin to tell this story? I will start it back in time: March 9, 2011.

It was an ordinary day. I was in my cubicle, at work, in Santa Clara, CA.

I was still employed at the time as a Customer Service Representative for a Semiconductor company. I had a bit of a tedious job, and spent most of my day alone with a computer and endless chains of emails, doing data entry, filing, and spreadsheets. I also had a two-hour daily commute back and forth from home in rush-hour traffic. However, the job paid me decently well, better than I had been paid working as an adjunct college Professor, better than I had ever been paid before in my life, with benefits and 401k and so forth. As the family breadwinner, I had a husband and two children to support, and a mortgage to pay. All in all, I thought myself fairly content.

Underneath, though, I was far from content. That day, I took a break to check my social media, and saw this tweet:

stoplivinglieThe link led to an essay by Joshua Fields Millburn, which Julien had featured as a guest post. The essay is a powerful kick in the ass, and written much in the style of Julien himself. But one part of it in particular hit me hard on that particular day:

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By the time I got that far in to the essay, tears were streaming down my face. It was true. I wished I could do it, too. I wanted so badly to break free. I was heartily sick of mediocrity, and slowly rotting from the inside, for lack of creativity and social contact. At the time, I had little idea what to do, but I was following my instincts, and the whiff of freedom I sensed from the essay was irresistible.

At the top of the page, Julien had posted this message:

followorelse

So, I did. And the first thing I saw was that Joshua, like myself, was about to attend the South by Southwest Interactive week at the film and music festival in Austin, TX. I did what any good @jackinessity would do. I tweeted Joshua that I wanted to meet him:

hitingutIt just so happened that Joshua was planning a Minimalism tweetup at South by Southwest:

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I went to the tweetup, met Joshua, talked with some interesting people. It all could have ended there. But you see, it didn’t. Here’s what happened next, as I summed up later that year on my blogger blog:

bloggerThe conference? Oh, just a little thing you may have heard of, called the World Domination Summit.

In Which @jackinessity World Dominates

2011 happened to be the first year that a guy named Chris Guillebeau was holding a brand new type of event:

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When I arrived (late) the first person I ran into was Joshua Fields Millburn. He introduced me to the incredible, loving bundle of awesomeness that is his co-author and best friend, Ryan Nicodemus. The day after the conference ended, I went on a hike with Joshua and Ryan and others from the conference, and began to get to know these two special guys a bit better:

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Afterward, I considered them both to be good friends, and kept in touch with both Joshua and Ryan accordingly:

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They came for a couple of visits to San Francisco, the first time, while Ryan was still on crutches after the first World Domination Summit.

Incidentally… Yes, we were in the Castro… yes, that’s a proper San Francisco rainbow pride flag in the background. Nobody tell them…

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In Which @jackinessity & @jfm Are Misfitted

Finally, most recently I had the pleasure of seeing Joshua again in Fargo, ND, where he was one of the featured speakers at the first ever Misfit, Inc. conference.

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During the intervening two years since my first meeting with Joshua, I have watched with awe and deep pleasure as both Joshua and Ryan have grown in fame, in accomplishments and contributions, and as people. When I met them in 2011, their blog was only a few months old, and Joshua had not yet finished his first novel. By the time of this trip, I discovered that he has become well-known enough to be spotted out at dinner by a fan, who asked him to sign her copy of his book. (We teased him endlessly that it was a plant, but no, he really has gotten that recognizable.)

fameI will add from what I know of both Josh and Ryan: their growing fame is entirely legitimate, and deserved. Both have worked incredibly hard, with discipline and grace. They are some of the most ethical, principled people I know. I do admire them greatly, and am extraordinarily proud to count them both among my friends.

In Which @jackinessity Wonders Things

So why do I chronicle this? I have been asking myself this question all morning, as I dug through archived tweets, old instagram photos, and the like. I promise that I did not start this as a way to brag about our relationship. Admittedly, I openly and vociferously adore and idolize both Joshua and Ryan to pieces, and have had the most ridiculous schoolgirl crush on Joshua for a million years now (can’t help it… he uses such pretty words!)

Example: I stumbled across what is probably my favorite tweet of his ever while looking at old tweets for this post:

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Le sigh. Hehe!

Teasing Joshua aside… I meant this to be more than just a chronicle of all the times and places we met.

Let me change the subject, then, for a few minutes, and talk about something else entirely.

They Have Unquestionably Changed the @jackinessity’s Life

That is the pure truth. Had it not been for @julien‘s tweet, had it not been for @jfm‘s essay, had it not been for @chrisguillebeau deciding to hold the World’s Best Conference, had it not been for @AJLeon and @melissaleon and the Misfits, I would not be the @jackinessity that sits here today, chronicling the journey.

The truth is, Joshua and Ryan didn’t just change my life. They also saved it.

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Go follow them on twitter, people. Or else!

TO BE CONTINUED

A Few Things I Made Lately

Here are some art projects I’ve been working on this past week after my return from Misfit, Fargo:

This is a copy of an experimental “twitter essay” that I published from the Greyhound bus on my return trip from Fargo, ND.

OutoftheAttic_print

 

This is a piece of art called #dontarguewithartists, about the mythical Unicorn that I failed to bring back from the conference. Much of the art was supplied by my children and my neice, who are pictured; I asked them to make me unicorns out of Legos and to draw pictures of unicorns.

 

UnicornProject

 

And finally, this little sequence I threw together because I loved the way @jfm’s expression changes as he walks closer to my camera, and I was also working on some Photoshopping skills:

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Medium.com Cross-Post: Today, I Found The Lost Cookie of Childhood

As originally posted today on Medium.com.

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Cookie Monster knew what was up. I heard somewhere that he has had to learn the art of loving his fruits and vegetables, these days, much like the rest of us. But, back when I was a little one, I remember that he never failed to joyfully appreciate the value of a good cookie.

In fact, I doubt very much that he ever failed to appreciate even a bad cookie. Monsters know things that take human-type people a long time to learn.

Thanh Nhat Hanh knows a few things about cookies, as well. He also has some things to say about breathing, about walking, and about smiling.

Suppose, for example, that you were having a bit of a bad day. Which of the following should you do (assuming you can):

A) Breathe

B) Walk

C) Smile

D) All of the above


You know, come to reflect on it, I am convinced that “all of the above” is genrally my favorite selection on multiple choice questionnaires. Why limit the options?

These things are simple, but as Larry Winget loves to remind people, just because something is simple, it does not necessarily follow that it is easy. Take breathing, for example.

You are breathing right now. Did you notice?

Yeah! It’s pretty cool!!

No really, please don’t stop. BREATHE.

Good job! Now… notice yourself breathing. Breathe in. Breathe out.

In the background, Ben Lee is singing to me. “Gamble everything for love,” he sings. “If you gamble everything for love, you’re gonna be all right.“

How often do you pay attention to the act of breathing? How present are you in the present moment?


When my babies were tiny, I would sometimes watch them as they slept, just to watch them breathe. Infants do not breathe like adults. Their breaths are tiny, fluttering, and fragile.

My babies would be very, very, still when then slept. But when I could see them breathe, I would know they were still alive.

We are alive. This is a precious thing to remember.


When Thich Nhat Hanh was a child, his mother would bring him home a cookie when she went to market. He speaks movingly in his writings about mindfulness, about being here now in the present moment.

He gave me the gift, today, of remembering to value what is. He also reminded me of something else:

Maybe you have the impression that you have lost the cookie of your childhood, but I am sure it is still there, somewhere in your heart. Everything is still there, and if you really want it, you can find it.”

—Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is Every Step.


Congratulations! You, my friend, are alive.

Please have a cookie.

Medium.com Cross-Post: I Confess: I’m Madly in Love With Myself

As originally posted today on Medium.com.
loveyou
  Narcissus gets a bad rap in mythology, which is ridiculously unfair. He was cursed by the gods. He lost his life, even. You know, I really feel bad for the guy, even if he was kind of a jerk. Narcissus made the fatal mistake of rejecting a suitor. Her name was Echo. Never insult a woman who is the personification of echoes. It probably will not turn out well.


Last August, I did something strange. This was not unusual of me, since I do moderately odd things on a regular basis, but I have to say that making a secret facebook group in order to talk to myself was audacious even for me, and I was a little bit impressed with myself. It was to be the beginning of a beautiful love affair.

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You see, last August I was going through a particularly rough patch in a whole backyard lawn of rough patches. I had recently discovered secret groups on Facebook. I decided to create a support group of several of my closest friends, and began posting frequent updates on a daily basis. Being a massive extrovert with a tendency to babble prolifically, this was a much-needed outlet, and things were going well. I began to make progress in a number of areas, from getting appointments for medical treatment, to unravelling the labyrinthine government bureaucracy around unemployment, to waking up and taking showers on a regular basis.

I started to get excited. It was working! It was all coming together! I was going to turn my life around, kick ass and take names, make history. All things were possible. In my enthusiasm, I began to expand the group membership to include more and more friends, and then to active lovers and dating partners. While everyone I added was a deeply trusted friend, many did not know how to support me in the way that I craved. After a while, it became apparent to me that my dynamic with the support group had changed for the worse.

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My primary relationship was in a deteriorating state. I had added the boy in question to the support group, so I felt awkward and limited in my ability to talk about our relationship. But, I did not want to lose the progress I had been making, and I missed talking frankly and fearlessly to my friends about anything and everything. The internet had been my friend at all hours of the day and night. I still needed this vital lifeline.

Then I had a crazy idea. What if I made a support group for myself, and wrote to myself totally honestly? I could provide my own supportive feedback and love. I decided to try it out.

There was a catch. Facebook didn’t allow the creation of a secret group with only one member. Thus, my evil twin was born. Enter Jackie Shelley: the other me.

rescuemeprincess

Things got really tough for a while. I got a new job, moved back in with my family, and went through a major breakup. There was a lot of painful transition involved. I grew, but I also stopped using my support groups entirely as I got busier and more and more sad. By December, I was seriously depressed. I write elsewhere about hitting that particular bottom, so I will not devote much time to it here, except to say this: depression SUCKS.


At the end of December, I somehow discovered this little gem of a book, by Kamal Ravikant.

loveyourself

In the course of the narrative, Kamal convinced me that self-love was an important force for good. Falling in love with myself might be the magic key to unlock my compassion for others, my spirit, or even my deepest heartsongs. Besides, by that time I really did not have much left to lose.


So, I have a not-so-secret crush on myself. I might even love myself. No one else understands me like me. I can buy myself roses. I can curl up with myself to read my favorite books and watch my favorite movies. I know when I am feeling sick and need extra tender love and care. When my heart fills up with joy so sweet it may just overflow, I can be there to throw handfulls of glitter in the air and dance like a madwoman.

I may possibly BE a madwoman, but I don’t think I care.

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I hope I avoid the fate of Narcissus. I will be watching out for echoes. Until then, I will continue to enjoy, and develop, my split personality.

eviltwins